


Dan Harmon Killed by Rick

by Goonipers



Category: RPF Actor, Rick and Morty
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, RPF, Satire, non-con, trigger r---
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 15:11:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15560517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goonipers/pseuds/Goonipers
Summary: When Dan Harmon faints in a meeting one day, he finds Rick disapproves of his baby doll pedophilia sketch.





	Dan Harmon Killed by Rick

**Author's Note:**

> A week ago, Dan Harmon deleted his Twitter account as an old pedophilia sketch of his surfaced where he r---ed a baby doll without his pants on. I haven't seen Dan Harmon's 'Daryl' video in question. Sorry if Rick's dialogue is Out Of Character. I can't seem to get his voice right in my head.

Dan was in a meeting, discussing the next Rick and Morty episode.

 

"He should burp here--" he began, when he toppled forward.

 

The other men and women jumped up. "Dan? Dan? Has he fainted?"

 

Dan awoke to darkness, not an oncoming light meaning that he'd died.

 

"So what the--urk--fuck do you think you're doing?" someone hissed. "Did you think you'd get away with it?"

 

Dan rolled onto his side and squinted upwards. It looked like dim blue spiky hair and a unibrow.

 

"Rick?!" he cried exuberantly. That meant Rick was...

 

"Yeah, real, you dumbass. I live inside of you and Justin. He's my voice-creator, after all."

 

Rick kicked him in the kneecap. He circled him, as Dan cried out and moved his leg inward.

 

"What the hell was that for?! Rick?" He tried to get up on his other leg so that he could fight.

 

"You're a pedophile in the eyes of the public, Dan! How does that reflect on me?! Do you have any idea what that did to Morty and Summer? They're just kids!!"

 

Rick took out his hip flask and took a swig. "They're--urp--still in school. Beth doesn't know as she doesn't go out on the Internet that often. Jerry told them. Fucking Jerry!"

 

Dan cried out. Rick kicked him in the small of his back.

 

"Just a fucking doll, you said. Just a fucking Dexter parody, you said. I saw it on the Internet with my own two eyes!!" Rick yanked Dan upwards by the neck. He choked. He hadn't realised Rick was that strong.

 

Rick's two eyes burnt holes in his soul. He dangled, clutching at Rick's arm.

 

"I should kill you mutherfucker where you lay," he snarled. He dropped Dan, and he landed badly.

 

"But first..." Rick pinned Dan down by one foot. Dan heard weird slithering sounds and clinks.

 

Rick's belt was flung over his head. "Hold on." The belt whipped back again.

 

Dan was pushed onto his stomach, and Rick lashed his wrists behind him with his belt. He struggled, and a lab coat sleeve was pushed into his mouth.

 

"Mmf mmf mmf uh!" he managed. His eyes went wide as Rick's zipper yanked down.

 

Hot piss streaked his hair and ran over his forehead. It wasn't much. Dan sniffed.

 

"Mmf?"

 

Next he felt his jeans shurggie over his hips. Rick leant round and yanked his button and flies open. His jeans were pushed down to his thighs. Rick inserted a finger into his ass.

 

"Urgh," he said, extracting it. Dan felt him wipe the finger across his shirt.

 

"You get exactly what you deserve, mutherfucker. Raping a kid dolly like that. Beth had one exactly like it, that looked a bit like Chucky." Rick positioned himself over Dan Harmon.

 

Dan felt him push further and deeper. He didn't want it, and struggled again. "Mmf mmf mmff!!!" He tried to push him off with his hands, but needed more leverage. The belt was wound against them tight.

 

"I really have to fucking shove, you know," said Rick conversationally. "It was hard to get it up, being 70. Urp." He drooled on the back on Dan's head. "I had to take this little pill, hard to get--urp--got it on the Internet Dark Web. It gets me high at the same time."

 

"Mmf? Mmf!" Dan tried to fling Rick off him again, by struggling to the side. Rick pinned him down with limbs, and started raping him again.

 

Rick slapped him. "None of that." He bit Dan's earlobe, hard, and rubbed a hand over his beard. He stuffed more lab coat sleeve into his mouth. "There."

 

Rick finished within ten minutes. He was slow and lazy towards the end, and his droning voice had gone mystical. He was boring Dan with the details about Unity dressed as his dad.

 

"And 'Go, son, go!' was their chant as I raped one of them dressed as dad," he announced. "Unity really got a kick out of that." He burped. "You would have hated my stiff old father. Very last century. Fought in two World Wars and the Crimean."

 

Rick came hot and white in Dan's mind. He filled up, and his belly protruded. He was lying on the side, in Rick's favourite Unity position, he thought.

 

"Aah, those good little pills. Think I came twice in one go. Now for my other cock." Rick extracted himself, and Dan saw a wobbly cock in a condom dangle over him. Rick removed the condom, which had split at the head. "Fuck it, that didn't work, did it?!"

 

Between Rick's balls was a sleeker, more metallic cock. The end of it was dim redder than its shaft; it oozed glowing silver pre-come.

 

"I want you to suck it," said Rick calmly. "Urk--don't scream. No one can hear you here, except Morty who's--urp--keeping guard, and Summer, who's behind the door."

 

Rick removed the lab coat sleeve and, in one movement, plunged in the metal cock. Rick bobbed his head forward.

 

"How do you like that, mutherfucker?!" he asked. Dan tried not to gag. It tasted of metallic blood.

 

Rick moved his floppy cock to the side, and it twitched. He slapped it into submission, Dan was pleased to find.

 

Dan didn't know what to do with the metallic cock. His tongue was pinned, so he opted to suck his cheeks in instead.

 

"Whoops! I forgot to press the button." Rick moved a hand towards his balls and depressed something.

 

Dan tried not to choke. "Mmf mmf mmff!!" The cock enlarged in size with a clicking noise as it spiralled against his tongue and puffed out his cheeks with come. It tasted of tin.

 

"Won't swallow, eh?" Rick withdrew it, and Dan spat on the ground, and gagged. He spat some more.

 

"I fill it with mercury," said Rick again. "They used to drink the stuff before they discovered it was poisonous. Just kidding. I drink it all the time."

 

He picked up Dan's head by the hair. "Have you learnt your lesson? Don't do pedophilia again! Not even if you think it's funny and you laugh like some demented genius."

 

"That's Justin," said Dan, finding his voice. "We work together and produce some creative genius."

 

Rick untied his wrists, and looped his belt back in. He did up his flies at the same time.

 

"No hard feelings, Dan, we can still work together if you want. You're just not forgiven."

 

"I deleted my Twitter account, what more do you want?" said Dan. "That was my online life."

 

Rick stood up and tucked both cocks in using a hand in his pocket. That, or feeling his balls. He wore his lab coat, tails twirling out behind him. He reached into his inner pocket.

 

"Or not," said Rick. He took out the laser gun.

 

"Oh no, Rick, uh, geez," called Morty. He carried a video camera in his hand. "We--we agreed not to hurt him, remember? He has to go back and continue our autobiography from daydream."

 

"You've been filming this?" said Dan, turning his head to look at one then the other. "Why?"

 

"To play it back on the Internet, dumbass," said Rick. "Like all other rape victims who do not deserve it." He prodded Dan in the chest with one finger. "Like your baby."

 

"For crying out loud, it was just a doll! I wouldn't hurt a real child."

 

"But you thought of it." Rick aimed the laser gun between Dan's eyes. Morty dashed forward and stood in front of Dan. It was a nice gesture, except Morty wasn't tall enough.

 

"Morty, get--urp--out the way," said Rick, swaying. He was coming down from his little pill. He gestured with the gun.

 

Morty stood to one side reluctantly. Dan strode forward and tussled with Rick for the weapon. They fought, as Rick tried kicking at his shins, and Rick staggered backwards.

 

Dan's finger found the trigger, and he pulled it. The laser gun fired at the distant ceiling.

 

Rick struggled, but suddenly he was old and weak. His 70-year-old arms were useless. Either that, or Dan had found some inner strength.

 

Dan turned the weapon onto Rick. He fired the gun as Rick ducked. The shot fired over his head and bounced off a distant stone wall -- that was made of rubber or something like it.

 

The shot bounced many times off the wall and the corner with the door and ricocheted back towards Rick. It shot him in the back.

 

"Wha?" Rick stumbled forward and onto one knee. Morty fled to him.

 

"Summer!" he cried. "Rick's been shot!!" Rick went down on one fist. He lay forward.

 

"Morty,--urp--I need the recovery position," he managed to spit out.

 

Summer opened the door with a hand across her eyes. "It better all be over," she said.

 

"Summer, Rick's been shot," Morty repeated, and because he was his character, Dan bent over him, concerned.

 

Dan pointed the weapon at Morty and Summer. "Keep away from him," he ordered.

 

He kicked Rick onto his side. There was a gaping, bleeding hole in his back. Rick's eyelids fluttered.

 

"Morty," he said, clutching at Morty's dim yellow shirt. "I just--just need to say..."

 

"What, grandpa?" he said, eyes streaming tears. He shuddered.

 

"Fuck you!" he said at Dan, then, "Morty, listen closer..."

 

Dan dropped the weapon to his side. Rick was whispering in Morty's ear. Dan wondered if he could be done for murder wherever he was.

 

Summer folded her arms and strode over to Dan. She took the weapon, and unloaded its clip. Laser light danced in a vial.

 

"Why did you shoot him?" she said.

 

"He was about to kill me. He raped me!" said Dan viciously.

 

"You deserved it. He's been planning this for a while," said Summer. "I don't think anyone deserves to get raped except for pedophiles and rapists themselves."

 

"But--but I'm not a pedophile. I only fucked a doll. I pretended to fuc--"

 

"Yes, but we didn't know that. We really thought..."

 

"Yes, go on, Summer," called Rick out loud. "You know what I do to child rapists."

 

Summer sighed in exasperation. "You," she said to Dan, "are not to go to the police as they won't believe you. You're in another dimension, and they'll think you're crazy." She wind a finger near her temple.

 

"Yes, Summer," he said meekly, wondering if he could blog about this. It would be an odd addition to the #MeToo movement.

 

Morty cried out as Rick died in his arms. "Riiiiick!" he wailed.

 

"Haven't you got any serum?" asked Dan to Summer. She nodded and got out the portal gun. Dan hoped for an adventure, but she pushed him away.

 

"I'll get him to hospital," she said, and after a few adjusted settings, fired a portal under Rick and Morty and got them treatment. Hopefully, Rick would be resuscitated.

 

"You," she said to Dan again, "can get yourself back." Summer jumped in the portal, and Dan got one look at the impending hospital staff crowd before the portal closed.

 

Dan stood in darkness and sniffed. He didn't like what had happened to him and what was happening now. He was confined in a big rubber room.

 

***

 

Dan awoke to what felt like hours later in a hospital himself. He lay on a beeping bed, covered in white blankets, with empty chairs around him and a button by his hand.

 

He pressed it, hoping to alert people he had come round, but it propelled his bed upwards, bent in half. He got a good look out the window as he was in a private ward.

 

People scurried by in scrubs. One of them noticed him blearily staring out, and approached his room.

 

"Hello, Mr Harmon, you've just come back from a heart attack," she said. She looked a lot like Beth with blonde hair and green scrubs. He wondered if he was in a horse hospital.

 

"A heart attack?! But I eat healthily," he lied. "All clean living..."

 

She glanced at his notes. "A heart attack. You were on the surgeon's slab for two hours. Standard procedure."

 

She continued, "You're to stay in hospital for observation. We need you on beta-blockers."

 

***

 

Dan was back at work within a month. He didn't know what to do without Rick inspiring him with ideas, and had to rely on Morty.

 

"Uh, Dan, oh, geez, I-I-I... don't know," he whimpered.

 

The writers' room was full of concerned people. Dan had no choice but to make a new Rick, one based on Doofus Rick, who ate his own poo. He was popular.

 

"Jerry," he said to Dan out loud one day. "I love you like the son I've never had." He wouldn't go out on adventures either, so Dan had to fake it.

 

Then the show jumped the shark.

 

THE END

 


End file.
